Do you know how to tune a piano?
Do you know how to tuna fish?
What’s that smell?

TL, you need to arrange an interview with Carrie if only to determine whether or not her lips move when she reads. The other lips, TL. Not the ones she keeps showing off while chastely “riding the dolphin” or “punching the bunny” or whatever the hell free-thinking women are calling it these days.

However, I must take a little time out to trot out my hypocritical, man-loving straight ass and clear the air on the “gay” thing.

I may seem creepy because of my hypocrisy, but I can assure you of one thing: I have spelled “creepy” correctly.

Now, as a lifetime member (heh) of the straight community, let me be the first to hypocritcally assure everyone that our (and I’m speaking for everybody, especially TL) fascination with the gay lifestyle is this: who fucking cares?

Whatever kind of sex two (or more) consenting adults want to have for the next 20 minutes or as a condescendingly-named “lifestyle choice” is their business.

If they want to marry each other and put themselves right into a merger with a 50% failure rate, let them. If they want to pay taxes under the “Married, but withhold at the higher ‘Gay’ rate,” so be it.

Yvonne, while I can appreciate the minimal effort you made to cross multiple borders through the power of the Internet and a Google search for “creapy American gay hypocrites,” if all you’re planning on doing is telling Americans that we’re close-minded and stupid: get in fucking line.

When we’re not busy telling each other how stupid we are under the guise of religion, politics, race relations or the public school system, we have every single other nation out there willing to tell us how they have their human rights shit all locked up, if only we’d ignore the race riots, centuries of class warfare and old-school insular policies.

And Art, really: if you tell your gay friends you can’t support them on the marriage issue, then you’re really not speaking for God, or even with him. You’re just voicing your own opinion and hoping that your particular religion will have your back when this all gets sorted out.

But as the Bible is supposedly God’s words as translated by man, I gotta believe there’s more than a few errors in it. Plus, and this question gets pretty old, where exactly does it say “Don’t be gay?”

Here’s what I find:
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1%20Corinthians%206:8-10&version=NIV

“8Instead, you yourselves cheat and do wrong, and you do this to your brothers.

9Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders 10 nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.
I Corinthians 6:8-10 (NIV)

I added the emphasis. This is from the NIV translation. But let’s turn back the clock (on the same site) and check the King James Version:

8Nay, ye do wrong, and defraud, and that your brethren.

9Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind,

10Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God.

Really not the same wording, is it? Kind of a stretch to find “effeminate” to mean gay? And how accurate would that word be anyway? Don’t mince? Try to fix that lisp? Stop installing track lighting? Drop that exfoliating body scrub?

And “abusers of themselves with mankind” looks like another catch-all for anything from bestiality to child molestation to suicide to emo-brand cutting. It seems to indicate abusing your own body rather than Adam and Steve lip-locking and going at it.

Please don’t bring up Sodom and Gomorrah. At a key point, the protagonist offers to let the horny townsfolk bang his virgin daughters rather than his two guests, with whom he’d had a solid relationship of five minutes or so. If that’s where we’re pulling morality from, we’re all fucked. (Not to mention our daughters.)

One, she is obviously a very outgoing, independent woman (solo sex tape…. didn’t have to depend a man), and usually the liberals are all for independent woman.

Took a handout (boobs), and liberals love to give handouts, correct?

Seems like a pretty hypocritical bunch to me. At least I know I can trust the conservatives… like Arnold.

http://www.nydailynews.com/gossip/2009/11/13/2009-11-13_former_miss_california_carrie_prejean_made_7_other_sex_tapes_dozens_of_nude_pics.html