Phillip Rogers was not at all happy with his wife, Tammy. In fact, he was so agitated with her, he told her, “Why don’t you just go kill yourself?” Tammy, not at all intimidated by Phillip, told him to go fetch the gun for her.
In a moment straight out of The Deer Hunter, Tammy put the gun to her head and pulled the trigger. Fortunately, the gun was not loaded and nothing happened. This would have been a good time for both parties to take a step back and think about what just transpired.
Because they were drunk, however, the situation only went from bad to worse. Phil, being the type of guy to see things to the end, at this point loaded the gun for Tammy and handed it back to her. She proceeded to point the gun at her head again, pull the trigger, and for all practical purposes, put herself in a vegetative state for the rest of her life.
Of course, this is just Phil’s version of the story. While it seems totally believable, I think I would go with a version that has the part in it where Phil loads the gun and shoots his wife. While she may have pulled the trigger once, had he handed the loaded gun to her the second time, I am confident we would be reading about the now dead Phillip Rogers.
(Phil, giving you his evil “do it” look).
In any case, Phil still got charged with “assisting with an attempted suicide”. Something tells me that this carries somewhat less of a charge than, say, premeditated murder. Nice job, Phil. You might be able to swing some sort of suspended sentence or parole out of the deal.
When Phil was arrested, he allegedly told the police officers to “jump off of a bridge”. Four officers drowned after taking these instructions to heart. Phil just has that kind of effect on people. In fact, when he was arraigned, he told the judge to “stick his head up his ass”. After several minutes of trying to comply, an embarrassed Judge Buford T. Justice called for a recess to wash the poop out of his hair.
Kissimmee police: Here are a few other cases that didn’t happen the way you think they did. Ron and Nicole did not just slip and fall several times on top of a sharp knife. Jimmy Hoffa did not lie down to “take a nap” in a concrete pit. The Menendez Brothers were not crocheting an “I love Mom and Dad” shotgun sheath when the gun “accidentally” went off. David Carradine was not spanking his monkey when he just happened to hang himself. (Wait…he did? Ok, don’t count that one).
Anyway, get to work and don’t let this guy off the hook.
November 9, 2009 at 6:53 pm |
Another happy marriage gone tragically awry due to a little tippling!
November 10, 2009 at 5:11 pm |
I am going to guess that “happy” is not a word that was commonly used to describe their marriage.
November 9, 2009 at 7:52 pm |
He’s the working man’s Dr. Kevorkian!
By the way, why are the women in these stories always named Tammy? I’ll never understand that.
November 10, 2009 at 5:13 pm |
So true, Tammy Faye, Tammy Wynett, Tammy Johnson (she is the one legged lady that lives down the road). All have sad, sad stories.
November 10, 2009 at 5:44 pm |
Dont forget Tammy Nihall.
November 10, 2009 at 9:11 pm |
Shame on me for forgetting, Tragic story, that was.
November 9, 2009 at 7:53 pm |
That is a perfect example of taking the phrase…He says “Jump!” and she asks “How High?”….to the extreme.
November 10, 2009 at 5:14 pm |
I would call that being a good wife.
November 9, 2009 at 9:24 pm |
This reminds me of an old boyfriend (“Psycho Jess”) in a loopy sort of way. He was forever isolating himself in a corner in his closet with his loaded gun pointed to his head. The closet had a sliding door and every time I would manage to force it open, he would slam it shut. He would excitedly exclaim over and over “I’m going to do it! I am REALLY going to do it!!” This would go on for HOURS. Me on the outside, employing my best psychiatric skills and bedside therapy to gently coax him out, him on the inside, crying and promising to blow his brains out. Other times, I would find him hanging off bridges, stamping out lit cigarettes in the palm of his hand, hurling my Rolex watches in the canal…I have many “Psycho Jess” stories. After 25 years, I’m sorry to report in some ways he is WORSE. Not sure I was supposed to share all that, but maybe, just maybe, some people are better off dead.
November 10, 2009 at 4:09 am |
How many Rolex watches did you have????
November 10, 2009 at 5:57 am |
Three! Two of which he heaved in the canal behind our home and one which I tossed in the Intercoastal Waterway (another story). I later switched to Bertolucci watches as I felt Rolex was jinxed and today sport a bare wrist (I’ve heard watches are passé now).
November 9, 2009 at 10:42 pm |
wow. this guy is not a common criminal, he’s a cult leader in the making! bet there will be some shenanigans going on when he goes to jail, and he tells the other inmates to go screw themselves.
November 10, 2009 at 5:18 pm |
At the very least, it would be an awful lot of fun in watching them try.
November 9, 2009 at 11:23 pm |
This reminds me of the time when I spent nearly a year eating tab after tab of acid. I would spend hours locked in a closet with a loaded gun, telling the hallucinations that this time I meant it.
They often spoke back, telling me things like, “Don’t do it,” or “Could you wait until I pull all of the clean linen out of there?”
To tell you the truth, I really wasn’t aware of the gun most of the time. I often imagined it to be several things, all of them evil or made out of candy.
After several hours of threatening to fire or eat the gun, I would head off to the bridge to finally rid myself of the delicious weapon. My mind would usually betray me before I even left the closet and I found myself hurling watch after hideously expensive watch into the canal, often injuring passing gondoliers.
I would holler a quick, “I’m sorry! I’m on acid!” after them, occasionally following it up with, “I thought it was a gun! A dark chocolate gun!” Man, those guys can paddle fast if they want to, even while bleeding heavily from their diamond-studded head wounds.
But this is neither here nor there.
I think Phil and Tammy should give it another go, with a proxy filling in for Tammy and filling the chamber with a couple of bullets. Perhaps if this is done in front of a court stenographer, the police will find it easier to charge him with an actual crime, rather than one they made up to fit the circumstances. (See also: Statute 131.1.(a) – “Reckless Gondolier Endangerment.”)
November 10, 2009 at 1:25 am |
OMG, Capitalist!! You are a riot!! I like/love your version much, MUCH better as you provided the window into his psyche that I oddly omitted. It’s all clearer now. Those were crazy times fueled by a certain crazy synergism (we were an interesting couple). There was also the time police were summoned over the “Chanukah ham” (he had placed a [very unkosher] clove studded ham in the oven for Chanukah) and I wanted it out. The police sided with me and he was asked to remove it. Naturally, it was heaved in the canal. The police were also summoned once because I felt I wasn’t being ‘laid enough’ (neighbors called as it got a little LOUD). The police just shook their head at him and took him off to the side to ‘talk to him’ (I remember one of the officers saying “what is WRONG with you?). Officer Tony came back a few days later when Jesse wasn’t home to thoughtfully ‘check up on me.’ Update on Psycho Jess: 49 years old, brilliant beyond belief, squandered a multi-million dollar inheritance, now destitute and living with his mother and a complete and utter psychological mess. I’m still hiding from him least he hits me up for a loan.
Wow, just realized I should go dredge the canal!
November 10, 2009 at 5:21 pm |
Liz – Any chance you could get that ham for me while you are fetching the watches? I love ham.
November 10, 2009 at 5:19 pm |
CLT, You forget to lead with, “true story”. It gives you more credibility.
November 10, 2009 at 7:52 am |
I can’t say that I wouldn’t have done the same thing.
I hate to admit it, but I’m pretty indecisive sometimes…
November 10, 2009 at 5:26 pm |
Well, if you must do yourself in, at least ask for a rope and try to arouse yourself at the same time.
November 10, 2009 at 6:28 pm |
All I can say is OMG!!!!!!
November 10, 2009 at 9:11 pm |
Obama’s My God?
I don’t get it.