Jennifer Aniston Can’t Carry Angelina Jolie’s Jockstrap! (Metaphorically Speaking)

November 11, 2008

Jen has been whining some more about how the evil Angelina “stole” her man while she was still married to him. Look, you can’t steal something unless it is put in a place where it can be stolen. Do you really think that any man working with Angelina Jolie is not going to fantasize about being with her? In this case, Pitt actually got the chance. Was there ever any doubt as to who he would pick?

If you compare the two, Angie trumps Jen in almost every category. I will list just a few:

Academy Award Winner - Angelina Jolie

Better boobs – Angelina. Just watch “Gia” if you have any doubt.

Bisexual – Angelina. And the women Angie goes for DO NOT look like Samantha Ronson

Younger – Angelina by 5 years

Willing to wear your blood around her neck – Angelina (Even though it was Billy Bobs)

Refused to star on a crappy TV show with David Schwimmer – Ms. Jolie

Tatted up like a cracked out whore – Yet again, our girl Angie

And the list goes on and on. I imagine it is very difficult to be as attractive and wealthy as Jennifer Aniston and not be at the top of the list. My guess is that for most of her life she has had any man she has desired. Now, with her ego crushed, she is left hanging with the likes of Vince Vaughn. Then she moves on to play mommy for John Mayer.

When you look at all of the details, Jennifer seems to be a bit of a whack job. She has admitted to having therapy and just seems to be “one of those” people. Again, she is an attractive woman and if not for her insanity, I might even be interested. But I just can’t deal with nut jobs. So, sorry Jen, scratch me off of the top of your list. (Besides, everyone knows I am waiting for Sarah Palin to become available).

If you are a Jennifer Aniston fan, you need to stop supporting the losing team. Join Angelina and soar with the eagles! I hear for each kid you adopt from Africa, Angelina will get a special tattoo just for you! Plus, she can walk on water, heal the sick and make impotent men chop wood again. Sure, she is clearly some sort of satanic mistress but who cares? Life is short…don’t waste it whining like Jennifer.

(Jen – I was just kidding. Call me, I am way better than Vince Vaughn).

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Posted by tannerleah

Umm…Sarah? Your 15 Minutes Are Up.

November 11, 2008

God knows I love me some Sarah Palin but even I need a break. We are all suffering from political fatigue and to listen to her yammer even more is really harshing my mellow.

Honestly Sarah, I don’t care about the clothes, the fact that you don’t read, maybe that you did a reach around on a 90 year old man… whatever. It’s all good! But there is a time to step aside. There’s a reason they don’t interview the loser after a ballgame. No one gives a crap what they have to say!

And when you say stuff like,  ”I’m like, OK, God, if there is an open door for me somewhere, this is what I always pray, I’m like, don’t let me miss the open door,” it makes my head hurt. “Like, I know you are my BFF 4 ever but I totally, like, need a break from u”. In fact, just yesterday even Jesus told me he was glad he made you lose. He said he just couldn’t take anymore.

Please, take a break and enjoy your family. Maybe even read a book or pop out another couple of babies! Just give us a chance to recover from the last 2 years of incessant politics. In another 2 years, if you want to start making some noise, knock yourself out.

In the meantime, if you really want to be a maverick, speak out against that thieving Alaskan senator, Ted Stevens. Go against your party and throw him under the bus, just like McCain staffers did to you. I know you are partial to the geriatric crowd but Ted needs to go. Make it happen.

One more thing, after looking at a recent photo of you, maybe you could bring back the hair and clothes people? What the hell happened to your hair and what’s with the pink? Where is the black or fire engine red that I have grown to love? I bet you aren’t even wearing your high heels anymore. Flip flopper.

Palin

P.S. Great job in supporting your party with this quote:

“I think the Republican ticket represented too much of the status quo, too much of what had gone on in these last eight years, that Americans were kind of shaking their heads like going, wait a minute, how did we run up a $10 trillion debt in a Republican administration? How have there been blunders with war strategy under a Republican administration?”

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Posted by tannerleah

Child Molesting Ex-Priest Agrees To Pay 5 Million…

November 11, 2008

Which, of course, he doesn’t have. You can just add this one onto the long list of priests that have walked away from decades of molesting children virtually unscathed. While I appreciate that the Catholic Church has denounced such behavior, how brave of them, they continue to just pay lip service to the whole debacle.

In this case, former priest Patrick O’Donnell of the Spokane Washington diocese, has agreed to pay 5 million dollars to close out a civil trial. Apparently, O’Donnell was charged with 66 out of 176 sexual abuse cases brought against the Spokane diocese. Let that number sink in a little bit…66 out of 176 children. 

You might be saying to yourself, “screw the civil trial, why isn’t his a** in jail?” Well, when complaints first surfaced, the honorable father O’Donnell was sent away for “treatment” by the church and then sent to a new place to molest children, Seattle. By the time law enforcement caught up with O’Donnell, the statute of limitations had expired. (By the way, why is there ANY statute of limitations for child abuse?)

This is what disgusts me most about the Catholic Church. They actively and aggressively protected pedophiles. It’s as simple as that. There is nothing remotely “Christ like” in their behavior and they have spent huge sums of parishioners money facilitating the cover up. So, if you are Catholic, you likely helped support child molesters. Congratulations.

I understand the victims just wanted O’Donnell to admit to the abuse and the 5 million is relatively inconsequential. What agitates me is that O’Donnell will continue to live in his nice home and go about his business as if nothing has happened. Why not make him go to trial so we can see his face on TV? If anyone deserves a little scrutiny, it is this guy.

Remarkably, when Chester the Molester got out of the priesthood, he became a psychologist. The good news, I guess, is that he only saw patients over 12 years old. Finally, after several more years, his licensed was revoked when his past was found out.

Today, O’Donnell lives comfortably in La Conner, WA in a home that can not be touched as part of the financial settlement. Nor can they touch his retirement funds. Not that it would matter anyway. I am sure the church would be happy to take care of one of their own.

If this was a “one off” case, I suppose I could better understand the situation. A rogue priest, if you will. However, the fact that pedophilia ran (runs?) rampant in the church for so long speaks to a much more heinous and despicable acceptance at every level. And yes, to a certain extent, I blame the parishioners as well. When the church refused to take action, the parishioners should have been walking away. Simple as that.

These kind of stories just reinforce my disdain for most organized religions. Men somehow convince themselves that any action, as long as it is in the name of God, is OK. If there truly is a God, how does he allow this to happen? Oh yeah, I remember. “God works in mysterious ways”. In the case of Patrick O’Donnell, he truly does.

Here is a photo of the obviously repentant molester.

srx patrick 1 bp

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Posted by tannerleah